"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought JOY to my soul." Psalm 94:19
My Husband's Funeral Service 2/25/13
John Christopher Matthew Warden: born 1/8/53 died 2/21/13
"You are Home"
"...Seeking whom he can devour."
"be sober, be vigilant for your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion seeking who he may devour." We have been warned.
Click the words above, it is a link for video of persecuted Christians...
xo, Pam
Click the words above, it is a link for video of persecuted Christians...
xo, Pam
My cousin Julie Bartelt O'Brien
let me know that she likes reading about how I'm doing on this journey
and I love to write so here's an update. It feels like John died years
ago but it also feels like it was only a few moments ago, it was about 2
weeks ago. I keep expecting to turn around and he'll be standing there,
but he is Home, his true forever Home, and for that I'm so glad, no
more needles or air tanks, breathing
pure heavenly air and he's with Christ, best of all he's with Christ. I
said two words when John died, "You're home." (not to him, Christian's
don't talk or commune with the dead) but out loud, to myself. I was
smoothing his hair, I said those two words in awe, surprise and then
felt an instant alone-ness (The one shall be... one?). I took the
cannula off, and then after 3 years, turned the hissing concentrators
off. The silence was deafening... I finally knew what people meant when
they said that! I was in a room, with my husband, and he was dead. I
looked around, felt as though I was in a bubble under the water,
everything looked so distant, so far, far away. Then I was on a hill in
the wind watching the clouds roll by, putting off the inevitable phone
calls I'd be making soon, too soon, wanting to stay near the bed,
waiting for something, I don't know what. "5 minutes ago he was alive", I
thought, "and in the room with me, breathing, blood swooshing." But
just like that- I was a widow. I wandered from room to room always
circling back, looking at his body, then wandering away again, looking
for something, I don't know what. "Until death do us part". A little
while later Pastor was next to me when the parting happened for good,
like a sheet torn in two. I couldn't breathe, it was an explosion inside
of me. More people arrived. I didn't want to see his body taken away so
our oldest son Jon took me for a ride, "Put your coat on", someone
said... My daughter in law and friend sweetly reminded me to put my coat
on." Ok, thank you. I reached up and out of the ocean depths took my
coat and put it on. We drove away. My son said, "Go ahead and drink my
coffee mom, it's still warm". Ok , thank you. "Remember dad loved to
pick berries here, take us to watch deer there, leave the house early to
drive this, the longest back-road, to work." Our boy drove slowly, the
moonlit snowy fields and forest swam alongside of the car, we drifted
around the lake and up the pale white hill... the phone rang, Jon said,
"ok", and he took me home. The sun rose quietly outside my kitchen
window.... So, here I am 2 weeks later, living/worshiping Christ,
serving Him with other believers. John would smile about that, he didn't
want me to wear black widows weeds, garb. My husband (I love that word
and miss it... "There will neither be marriage nor given in marriage".
He is solely my brother in Christ now) was a Godly man who wanted me to
serve the Lord and not look back, his final admonishments. He is Home
and I will go there someday too ♥ I talk to the dogs more than a normal
person should, I say things like. "So guys and gals, what are we going
to do today?"
xo, Pam
xo, Pam
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