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I had the biggest spider I've ever seen on my curtain in the living room. I am not afraid of them, but I died a little inside when our 7 eyes met. He said in his little spider voice, "Please nice lady, please don't kil..." WHACK said my Minna-tonka hard sole slipper.

All About Jesus

My six year old granddaughter is playing the piano with a hymn book in front of her. Playing softly she asks, "Grandma, do you know what that note is?" I'm sitting across from her and answer, "That sounds like middle C." "No", she said, "that note is Lord, "and this note is God", and "this one is friend". Her notes are words.. all the notes (just middle C or F# or B to us) are Christ. I asked," What is your song. " she said, "All about Jesus."

My Husband Wrote About His Dieing

"I cannot express how grateful I am for the experience and privilege of growing so much closer to our Lord through these trials. " And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans8:28 What a Great God we serve." That was my John's heart showing.

Dirty Knees

As I bend in prayer, as I fall to the ground in humble adoration of the Father my knees bear the weight of my heart. I pray, face to the sky, calling out to my Lord and Savior. Thank you for this unspeakable gift of sorrow, this knowing You better, this grace...

Pity the Fool

I wrote this in response to one of the Davos elite. "If the stars realigned in the night sky to spell out the words "I am here," Krauss said he would "reassess". How about just taking a look at the stars in the sky and reassess, or look at your fingers as they glide across the keyboard or a thousand other things. You don't see a Creator unless He stoops to play ball with you and says, "I am Here", and you still won't believe it because you are a fool. Each time you see these things you close your eyes and say, "It's not enough, I want another sign." A blind man can't see a chair no matter how hard you try to encourage him too. "The fool says in his heart, "There is no God". Sigh Love, Pam

You Are Not a Christian By Osmosis (but my parents are saved and take me to church)

You can sit in your garage all day long and you will not become a car, you can sit in an oven too and not become a muffin, you can also sit in a church for years and years and not become a Christian, "By salvation alone. And that comes by repentance of sin not osmosis. We have to remember in all love what Christ said, "Unless you are born again you cannot enter the kingdom of Heaven." It's His laws, not ours. He says that our, "good deeds are like filthy rags." So why do we "neglect so great a salvation"? "Tell them the rest of the story, tell of the Father's glory, teach them salvation's plan, they must be born again. It's so wrong to only tell and teach half of what the Father's done, for someday we will have to stand before the throne of God, died as unsaved men". From a song I wrote years ago. Something I've been thinking about today.

HELP! They Are Killing Puppies

3,500 unwanted dogs are dismembered, poisoned and brutally murdered each DAY on an average!!! I am so angered and want to do something, anything about it, don't you??? Oh wait, I was wrong, it's 3,500 unwanted children, babies who are dismembered, poisoned, stabbed, gouged, tiny heads twisted off... brutally murdered each day by abortionists. Will you fight for those babies? At least shed a tear? Love, Pam

The Very Next Day

I wrote this awhile after my husband, John died. John, a devoted husband, dad, grandpa and Elder in the church. He is now my brother in Christ... I knew that I would not know what to do In the days after John went home to Heaven, we were one, companions and best friends, he would be gone. My brother in law, Pastor Rich Peralez talked to me about that ahead of time. I decided to make a plan, I'm sharing this because it may help you or someone you care about. I referred to it every morning, especially the very next days, but as time passed I needed it less and less. It sounds so simple, but it's not. I keep it on my fridge and I called it, The Very Next Day Without John- "Get up, get dressed, pray, make coffee, take pills,, turn on radio (sometimes I listen to a Christian station in the morning), feed dog, read Bible, check schedule, look for opportunity's to serve and take them, don't live on the inside but project, DON'T fear love, DON'T fear "alone-ness", In all my comings and my goings remember that He is with me and familiar with all my ways, serve God until bed " This really helped me to place one foot in front of the other while walking in that numbing fog (which I truly believe is also a gift from God). Love, Pam. and do not be reclusive... Love, Pam

It's Easy...Believe Your Bible

Proof That God Exists
Sye Ten Bruggencate
My favorite video on the planet!

How To Answer The Fool 
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A Christian woman who was dying wrote to response

(I'm a Moderator on a website for rare lung disease. I try to help steer others to good medical facilities and in spiritual matters of the cross.) I am no longer which is a long story about satanic opposition.

A dying mother and wife wrote to me expressing  how it helped her to read my reminder of Christ's love and ever present help for a her. I am sharing with you my reply to her, in case any of you know of someone who needs these words.

"Thank you ___________ for taking the time to write such a beautiful letter and for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me.I'm so thankful that my love of Christ helped you in this battle.

I, also am coming painfully to the deeper knowledge of Christ's great plan for His own because of my husbands sickness like yours and that that plan does not necessarily mean a long and healthy life. "My sheep hear My voice." ...Remember that when you come to the end of life, you WILL hear His voice. That is a tender and awesome truth to remember that I am still learning. (My husband, John has since this was written died also)

"I will NEVER leave you or forsake you." It's a promise to cling to as you pass through this difficult storm.

"Pray without ceasing." He desires that intimate communion with us. And you can do that even/especially with little breath, as your soul and His Spirit utter the things which you can't speak. (She was laboring to continue breathing, smothering.)

There are many years of earthly hardship coming that we see daily in the news, those who are with the Lord will be spared those things, and those left behind He will strengthen so that they can endure with JOY.

Stay in today, in the now, a lesson I've learned, a hard one for there is no grace in a future that is not here. I am trying not to mourn now, it is too early, there is no grace. (my John has since died).

There is no grace in memories either. Whether they contain happiness or sadness, there is nothing you can do now to change them so there is no grace to be had there either. Be at peace with that. Your failings and achievements, neither one matter now. "I could have...I should have"...are meaningless ashes. "He remembers that we are but dust." We are not perfect, but saved from sin. "Unless a man be born again, he cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

Many times this is a sad and lonely walk, help your family and friends know the JOY you will have in meeting your Savior and someday soon meeting them again in Glory too. Not that we, in any way are wanting to leave them, but as Paul said, "It is gain for me to die."

God says, "Precious in His sight is the death of His saints..." (We are His saints, as Paul says, "Greet the saints in Ephesus..".) "Precious in His sight is the death of His saints..."I really think those are the words of a Father who finally has His children all home and safe from evil or harm. It shows His profound love for His own. "Like a Mother Hen who gather her chicks under Her wing." (Male & female...He created them in His image).

I will someday see you there in Glory ________, although we have not met here. We will enjoy and serve our King forever, and with great JOY.


My Husband's Funeral Service 2/25/13

John Christopher Matthew Warden: born 1/8/53 died 2/21/13
"You are Home"
I asked that the song below be played after everyone had been seated. As the church grew silent this song began and it was beautiful...Later in the service our oldest grandson read this chapter in the Bible, "All flesh is like the grass"... He had not cried yet, he hid his grief. But our dear teen boy began to cry toward the end of his reading and when finished he sat down in the front pew, head in his hands and cried for grandpa..."the word of the Lord endures forever", and that truth is the only comfort for our boy and everyone else in this world. 
I will never forget the sounds of those moments ♥
Close your eyes... Listen

"...Seeking whom he can devour."

"be sober, be vigilant for your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion seeking who he may devour." We have been warned.
Click the words above, it is a link for video of persecuted Christians...

xo, Pam

My cousin Julie Bartelt O'Brien let me know that she likes reading about how I'm doing on this journey and I love to write so here's an update. It feels like John died years ago but it also feels like it was only a few moments ago, it was about 2 weeks ago. I keep expecting to turn around and he'll be standing there, but he is Home, his true forever Home, and for that I'm so glad, no more needles or air tanks, breathing pure heavenly air and he's with Christ, best of all he's with Christ. I said two words when John died, "You're home." (not to him, Christian's don't talk or commune with the dead) but out loud, to myself. I was smoothing his hair, I said those two words in awe, surprise and then felt an instant alone-ness (The one shall be... one?). I took the cannula off, and then after 3 years, turned the hissing concentrators off. The silence was deafening... I finally knew what people meant when they said that! I was in a room, with my husband, and he was dead. I looked around, felt as though I was in a bubble under the water, everything looked so distant, so far, far away. Then I was on a hill in the wind watching the clouds roll by, putting off the inevitable phone calls I'd be making soon, too soon, wanting to stay near the bed, waiting for something, I don't know what. "5 minutes ago he was alive", I thought, "and in the room with me, breathing, blood swooshing." But just like that- I was a widow. I wandered from room to room always circling back, looking at his body, then wandering away again, looking for something, I don't know what. "Until death do us part". A little while later Pastor was next to me when the parting happened for good, like a sheet torn in two. I couldn't breathe, it was an explosion inside of me. More people arrived. I didn't want to see his body taken away so our oldest son Jon took me for a ride, "Put your coat on", someone said... My daughter in law and friend sweetly reminded me to put my coat on." Ok, thank you. I reached up and out of the ocean depths took my coat and put it on. We drove away. My son said, "Go ahead and drink my coffee mom, it's still warm". Ok , thank you. "Remember dad loved to pick berries here, take us to watch deer there, leave the house early to drive this, the longest back-road, to work." Our boy drove slowly, the moonlit snowy fields and forest swam alongside of the car, we drifted around the lake and up the pale white hill... the phone rang, Jon said, "ok", and he took me home. The sun rose quietly outside my kitchen window.... So, here I am 2 weeks later, living/worshiping Christ, serving Him with other believers. John would smile about that, he didn't want me to wear black widows weeds, garb. My husband (I love that word and miss it... "There will neither be marriage nor given in marriage". He is solely my brother in Christ now) was a Godly man who wanted me to serve the Lord and not look back, his final admonishments. He is Home and I will go there someday too ♥ I talk to the dogs more than a normal person should, I say things like. "So guys and gals, what are we going to do today?"
xo, Pam

"Abortion is the Ultimate Violence." #3

Abortion! It's a word that doesn't mean anything anymore, it's become an everyday word like, milk or car. But,
this multi-billion dollar "industry" does not crank out cars, shoes, paper products or steel, but cranks out dead babies, one after another, 3,500 estimated daily. DAILY! This is a seedy, filthy, money loving bloody industry and it is the ULTIMATE VIOLENCE.


Christians are being persecuted worldwide

Abortion is the Ultimate Violence #1

Please take a to listen, to think about the decision you're making, abortion is not the answer. Cry out to God for salvation, for help.

"Abortion is the ultimate violence." #2

Please don't read farther if you've had an abortion, I don't want to hurt you any more than you have already been hurt. This is written for those who are contemplating it.

Dear One

When I was in 3rd grade my baby brother died. Everyone mourned, even the neighbors and teachers. We all cried, it was such a tragic, heart- rending loss for us. His death was devastating. None of us were ever the same...not ever again. He was born a healthy baby, but died when he was only 2 months old and he had a name, James John. He was never called a "fetus".

We mourned for our Jimmy but who for the unborn aborted baby?

Fetus, what a horribly demeaning name. Most mothers lovingly imagine sweet and meaningful names for their babies before birth...Ian, Sarah, Robert, Karen, Laura...but the aborted child is called, "Fetus", which is a cold and distancing name. When a baby dies we mourn, but when we say that a fetus dies there is no attachment, no precious gift, we just get on with our lives. Fetus and "tissue" are names that are highly calculated by those in charge to be used by the abortion industry because it does not trigger the terrible mourning that the death of a baby does, and in so doing does not diminish their very healthy livelihood. $$$$$$$. They don't care about you, your child, your health, your family, your heartbreak. It's all about the money and God says that the, "root of all evil is the love of money." They must not only love money but adore money, what else would literally drive them to kill a child, a million children? Don't trust them, don't trust what they tell you. I found statistics $1/2 billion and up a year, for abortion.

 How could you contemplate this? Remember that you only have the option because someone let you live. Sadly it's legal. Ask yourself, look into a mirror and ask yourself, how can I do this and why? This is a no take-back decision, there will be no do-overs. It is violent and it is final. Youtube has many videos where you can see behind the curtain of sterile loving clinics. You can read about women leaving the clinics wounded and bleeding, while the next in line is helped onto the cold table.

Outside of many supposed "clinics", protesters are on the sidewalks and streets offering help for you and your baby, offering options and answers with all of their might. Sometimes they are arrested while caring more than mother's do.

Just think, this child is made in the Creators own image and also looking a lot like you. Your child is special and needs to be loved and cared for.

You will feel uneasy for the rest of your life, I can guarantee this. There will be a special birthday year after year with no child to celebrate with. You will be haunted by every child's face on a playground...How do I know this? My brother's name and his birthday are etched on our calendars year after year after year, my mom's eyes look distant, searching on that day, longing for the moment that she will be reunited with her son again in Heaven. She also marks the day of his death on the calendar (even if you go on to have more children, you will always remember). We do not forget Jimmy, his name is on a gravestone. (He died when President Kennedy was assassinated, so long ago, that is why I can tell you that you will never, ever forget.)

Dear one, how could you contemplate abortion?

Instead of practicing your right to choose an abortion you will actually be a willing participant in the "ultimate violence."

I was a single mom, very poor, I had a little boy. I was broke and alone and I had health problems, but I never thought of aborting my baby in spite of any of that. I tell you that because of the irony, because of they way God used his life to enrich mine. I have enjoyed this child all of his life and he is now the one who takes care of my husband and I, (my husband is terminally ill.) Our son and his family are not rich, but instead of choosing to leave us by ourselves, this son, who I raised in spite of hardship, chose to help us, bringing us to his home with his family. He is a blessing. I gave him life and now he takes care of me.

I do hope this makes you feel bad because it's such a bad thing you are contemplating. You should feel bad, because maybe, just maybe, you will not go through with this. Let someone help you, choose to do the right thing, the only loving thing, chose to save your child's life.

Your baby is alive, but her life is in your hands. What will you do?

( title quote is by Robert Casey)


Heros of the Faith in Our Time

Luther and Calvin back in the day
Sproul and MacArthur today
Defenders of the Faith

RC Sproul and John MacArthur are probably two of the most influential teachers/ theologians of our time. Bringing back a fire for God in a complacent world, in a world of born again believers who don't act like it. Authoring book after book challenging the brethren to dig deeper into His word, to follow hard, to leave all the world behind, forsaking all others, to cling to Christ alone, and to know why.
To watch these men at conferences together is an amazing and humbling thing. They are not stuffy or aloof, but down to earth men of God. Granted there are other Christians who write, speak, call people to a deeper relationship with God. Of course there are more preachers/teachers that God has raised up, but these two men of the Lord are the giants of our time causing the rest to dig deeper, pray harder, study harder and teach with more boldness and love.
1 Corinthians 10-17 "Now this I mean, that each one of you saith, I am of Paul; and I of Apollos: and I of Cephas; and I of Christ...some from Chloe's house inform me that there are quarrels among Christ divided?"
I pour my heart-Kardia out here.
In Christ's love,
Below is a link to a transcript and video from Grace to You Two great friends together. Dr. RC Sproul and Dr. John MacArthur in a discussion about Christian/Catholic unity.

What is Salvation? (In 2 Minutes) - Paul Washer

I learned a new word today...Kardia

Words really do matter and as a Christian they matter greatly...God speaks to us in His word, the written word, we are told to go unto the nations spreading the word, the Word became flesh, God's word will never pass away...words, I have found a wonderful site that teaches us the meaning of biblical words, it breaks them down so we can easily understand them. I have found the word Kardia-the heart. It's a very special word to me because the last scripture that I said to my husband before his lung transplant, leaned on his chest, whispered to him was "Trust in the Lord with all your heart.." How do we know what the mind thinks, what the ears hear when physically sedated. I do know that Jesus says, "My sheep hear My voice." Does it matter then if you are unconscious, sedated, in a coma, in the womb...are you shut off from the Shepherd at anytime? That's not what that Psalm promises. in the Lord with all your kardia.

(I wrote that Psalm in each hospital room from then on, for every hospital visit on the wipe off board. John is now in Chronic Rejection, no possiblity for a 2nd transplant, no more hospitals. He's in Hospice at our home now, but God is still using him, using him, using him.)

Yesterday he was asked to lead a men's Bible study from his hospital bed...using him, using him, using him.

John is having more chest pain now, the heart is getting tired. Kardia.

In Christ's Love,

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